Wow! This is the most awesome thing ever!!!!!!

Something you probably don’t know about me is that I love Sir-Mix-a-Lot. There’s no one better than Mix. I really don’t like modern rap but I love the old-school stuff from the time before rappers were rapping about things like being in gangs and killing people and drinking forties and things like that. And as a kid I really loved Sir-Mix-a-Lot because his rap was really comedic. I personally think Mix was intentionally going for the whole “So bad it’s Good” (or in his case, “So bad it’s Awesome”) thing back in the day. I have really fond memories of listening to his music on the way to the movies when I was a kid. My older brother, you see, had this friend Jason Finley who really loved Mix’s stuff. He had this really awesome surround sound system in his car so he’d blast Sir-Mix-a-Lot’s stuff all the time while we were heading out to see a movie or two. And what’s a better way to spend your time when you’re a kid in the early nineties? Going to a movie with Mix blasting and then going to Toys ‘R Us or Kaybees after that? Nothing can top that when you’re a kid.

But anyway…I really love Mix-a-Lot’s Iron Man song because the lyrics were just really cheesetastic, even for the time. I mean, he ACTUALLY HAS A LYRIC that goes like this: “Hate pet llamas, met Clint Eastwood slapped his momma!”

Errr…hate…pet…llamas? I mean, that’s the weirdest, goofiest rhyme I think I ever heard.

But yeah…I thought the song was great and then I saw…The Video!!!

Wow. That’s all I can say. Wow. For “early nineties nostalgia cheese” this is gold, Jerry, gold!

Nothing could ever be more awesome than the “Girlies in the house, watch your blouse” part of the video. Nothing.

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Who are the Allens and why are they out of spice?

So I saw Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull today.

Okay, let me start off by saying I’m not like the other people who watch these movies. I, as a matter of fact, am probably the only straight guy I know who was never really into the Indiana Jones movies. I loved The Last Crusade but I always thought Raiders of the Lost Ark was boring as shit when I was a kid (I saw most of it again the other night and I still feel that way) and I’ve only seen bits and pieces of The Temple of Doom so no, I’m not a huge Indy fan overall. So I’m not a huge fan of the Indy movies but I still really love the character a lot and I do think the movies have a lot of great scenes that are a lot of fun to watch. I mean, who doesn’t love that part in ROTLA where Indy is pretty much like “Fuck this,” and he just shoots the master Swordsman? That was one of the only parts of that movie I really liked.

But anyway, I saw the new movie with an open mind because I wasn’t a diehard thinking “This has to be as good as the originals or I’ll never forgive Spielberg!” and I wasn’t a “I hate this gay shit anyway so this new movie will suck no matter what” kind of guy either.

So what are my thoughts on the new movie? (Spoilers ahead for the whiny “I can’t be spoiled!” people):

Well, I’m reminded of one of my favorite scenes in Roseanne.

Dan (John Goodman) comes home from work to see that Roseanne’s friend Nancy is crying in their living room. Dan asks “What’s wrong?” Roseanne hands Dan a note.

Dan’s silent for a minute as he studies the note. He glances up at Roseanne and asks

“Who are the Allens and why are they out of spice?”

(The joke is that Nancy’s husband Arnie (played by Tom Arnold) is an idiot and he couldn’t spell Aliens from outer space or write it out very well).

“Who are the Allens and why are they out of spice?” I don’t know why but I consider that one of the most hilarious things from Roseanne. The timing and the setup were just great. But anyway, I’m reminded of that exchange when I think about the new Indiana Jones movie. Aliens? I mean…seriously…Aliens? Why? For the love of God why? Aliens?

I mean, Indy’s friend Ox (spoilers ahead) explains “they’re not Aliens, they’re interdimensional beings” but…come on. We all know that they were aliens.

I can accept magic being a part of the Indy universe but…Aliens? To me that’s just too much even for an Indiana Jones film. I was also bothered by the fact that (spoiler) Indy’s dad died. That was like “wow, did the screenwriter even watch The Last Crusade?” How could Indy’s dad die if he was rendered immortal by drinking from the Holy Grail? I’d bitch more about that but that can be forgiven to an extent thanks in part to the explanation I found here.

So all in all I thought the movie was great and lousy at the same time if that’s even possible. It was great because I really loved the characters and the acting and I thought the action sequences were just as fun and exciting to watch as they were in the original films. And Karen Allen reprising her role? That was great. Karen Allen’s chemistry with Harrison Ford and the aforementioned “death of the swordsman” scene were the only things that really redeemed ROTLA for me so seeing her make a comeback in the new movie was really awesome. And it was (spoiler again) great to see Indy finally settle down and get married at the end. And Shia LaBeouf was a welcome addition to the cast. I, unlike a lot of other people, really actually like Shia LaBeouf as an actor and thought he was really entertaining (and that’s really something for me because I used to really hate his guts and was initially horrified when I found out he was cast in the first Transformers movie). I would definitely see Indy movies with his character as the lead.

So it was a great movie because of all the things I listed above but it was also really lousy because the story was crap. Utter crap. Aliens (final spoiler) posing as Gods was great in Stargate but it just doesn’t work at all for Indiana Jones. What’s next? Indy battles cyborgs? Clones, perhaps?

So all in all it’s a good movie if you love the characters and the actors but if you’re looking for a decent story than this one might even be worse than the Temple of Doom if that’s at all possible. I just don’t know what it is about Spielberg and his Aliens fetish. Shit. I wonder if he watches “Debbie does Area 51” while he’s laughing over the fact that people pay $10 a head to watch his overrated movies.

We’re in the Impossible Business here…

One of the cool things about being a crack buyer is that I have a couple of friends who are in the “crack buying business” as well.

Anyway, this buddy of mine told me “You better get Stealth Bumblebee from a Collectibles show or online because he’ll never see retail release.”

“Why is that?” I ask. So my friend launches into an epic explanation that goes something like this: “Hasbro isn’t going to send the last waves of the Transformers movie line to retail stores because the retail stores have boxes and boxes and boxes of unsold Transformers toys in the back and Hasbro isn’t happy about that.”

Apparently my friend heard this from a vendor at this collectibles show he goes to every weekend. I, being the cynic that I am, pretty much said “I think the dude’s wrong. I’ve heard about people getting Stealth Bumblebee and the last figures in the Transformers movie line.” My friend, however, didn’t agree. It was almost as if he thought finding Stealth Bumblebee in the stores was an impossible mission along the lines of finding evidence that proves Michael Jackson is straight.

So I’m strolling through the Target the other night and…what happens? What do I see?

Yeah, that’s right. I found him. I mean, I don’t like to be an “I told you so” guy but, then again, I love to be an “I told you so” guy. I don’t know why. I guess I’m a jerk in that respect. I don’t know.

I don’t really blame my friend here or think he’s foolish for pretty much saying the mission was impossible. No, I blame the vendor and the other people online at different Transformers sites for perpetuating the “Hasbro won’t send the retail stores the last figures” rumor (and I’ve heard that rumor a couple of times now and there’s something about the sheer stupidity of it that just kind of annoys me).

So…yeah. Here at Transformers and Other Plastic Crack we aim to do the impossible. Name a figure in any of the latest Transformers line that’s impossible to find and I bet you I can probably get ’em for you.

When it’s all said and done though I’m not going to be opening Stealth Bumblebee seeing as how I already have two variations of the 09 Camaro mold (Bumblebee and Cliffjumper) and I’d rather just take advantage of the good markup he’s getting on eBay someday and sell him there.

So Many Geeky Things to Write about…

And, as the lame expression goes, so little time.

So I moved into my new place. I said I’d have some photos of the new place and I usually do what I say I’m going to do so they’ll show up here eventually. Probably.

I also went to the Emerald City Comic Con this weekend and I felt that was worth blogging about here. This was my first ever comic convention but it was the second convention I’ve been to in my life (I went to a Star Trek Convention when I was in the fourth grade). Thankfully there weren’t as many freaky/creepy geek stereotypes there so I didn’t have to feel too weirded out (the full-on stereotypical “Comic Book Guy” kind of stereotypes just seriously freak me out for some reason and I’m really not kidding you there). The really cool thing about the convention was the fact that it gave me the opportunity to meet one of my heroes JMS (J. Michael Straczynski) and it gave me the chance to get a photo with Julie Benz (Darla from Buffy and Angel), one of my favorite actresses from the Buffyverse.

(More pics and info behind the cut)

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