Review of Transformers Classics/Universe Prowl

I’ve been getting a lot of requests to review this guy so without further ado, here’s the video review:

To say this guy isn’t one of my favorite figures from the Classics Line would be the understatement of the century. Thing is though, I don’t judge him for what he is so much as I judge him for what he isn’t.

Also, I apologize for the super-shaky cam thing going on with this review. Usually I’m holding my phone in one hand and posing the figure in the other, hence the shaky cam, but most of my reviews are still fairly steady. Don’t know why I had the seizure-ish thing going on with this one, won’t happen in the next review, Scout’s honor (even though I was never a scout).

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Who are the Allens and why are they out of spice?

So I saw Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull today.

Okay, let me start off by saying I’m not like the other people who watch these movies. I, as a matter of fact, am probably the only straight guy I know who was never really into the Indiana Jones movies. I loved The Last Crusade but I always thought Raiders of the Lost Ark was boring as shit when I was a kid (I saw most of it again the other night and I still feel that way) and I’ve only seen bits and pieces of The Temple of Doom so no, I’m not a huge Indy fan overall. So I’m not a huge fan of the Indy movies but I still really love the character a lot and I do think the movies have a lot of great scenes that are a lot of fun to watch. I mean, who doesn’t love that part in ROTLA where Indy is pretty much like “Fuck this,” and he just shoots the master Swordsman? That was one of the only parts of that movie I really liked.

But anyway, I saw the new movie with an open mind because I wasn’t a diehard thinking “This has to be as good as the originals or I’ll never forgive Spielberg!” and I wasn’t a “I hate this gay shit anyway so this new movie will suck no matter what” kind of guy either.

So what are my thoughts on the new movie? (Spoilers ahead for the whiny “I can’t be spoiled!” people):

Well, I’m reminded of one of my favorite scenes in Roseanne.

Dan (John Goodman) comes home from work to see that Roseanne’s friend Nancy is crying in their living room. Dan asks “What’s wrong?” Roseanne hands Dan a note.

Dan’s silent for a minute as he studies the note. He glances up at Roseanne and asks

“Who are the Allens and why are they out of spice?”

(The joke is that Nancy’s husband Arnie (played by Tom Arnold) is an idiot and he couldn’t spell Aliens from outer space or write it out very well).

“Who are the Allens and why are they out of spice?” I don’t know why but I consider that one of the most hilarious things from Roseanne. The timing and the setup were just great. But anyway, I’m reminded of that exchange when I think about the new Indiana Jones movie. Aliens? I mean…seriously…Aliens? Why? For the love of God why? Aliens?

I mean, Indy’s friend Ox (spoilers ahead) explains “they’re not Aliens, they’re interdimensional beings” but…come on. We all know that they were aliens.

I can accept magic being a part of the Indy universe but…Aliens? To me that’s just too much even for an Indiana Jones film. I was also bothered by the fact that (spoiler) Indy’s dad died. That was like “wow, did the screenwriter even watch The Last Crusade?” How could Indy’s dad die if he was rendered immortal by drinking from the Holy Grail? I’d bitch more about that but that can be forgiven to an extent thanks in part to the explanation I found here.

So all in all I thought the movie was great and lousy at the same time if that’s even possible. It was great because I really loved the characters and the acting and I thought the action sequences were just as fun and exciting to watch as they were in the original films. And Karen Allen reprising her role? That was great. Karen Allen’s chemistry with Harrison Ford and the aforementioned “death of the swordsman” scene were the only things that really redeemed ROTLA for me so seeing her make a comeback in the new movie was really awesome. And it was (spoiler again) great to see Indy finally settle down and get married at the end. And Shia LaBeouf was a welcome addition to the cast. I, unlike a lot of other people, really actually like Shia LaBeouf as an actor and thought he was really entertaining (and that’s really something for me because I used to really hate his guts and was initially horrified when I found out he was cast in the first Transformers movie). I would definitely see Indy movies with his character as the lead.

So it was a great movie because of all the things I listed above but it was also really lousy because the story was crap. Utter crap. Aliens (final spoiler) posing as Gods was great in Stargate but it just doesn’t work at all for Indiana Jones. What’s next? Indy battles cyborgs? Clones, perhaps?

So all in all it’s a good movie if you love the characters and the actors but if you’re looking for a decent story than this one might even be worse than the Temple of Doom if that’s at all possible. I just don’t know what it is about Spielberg and his Aliens fetish. Shit. I wonder if he watches “Debbie does Area 51” while he’s laughing over the fact that people pay $10 a head to watch his overrated movies.

Okay…well…that’s a little better…I…suppose…

Seibertron.com has some images of the Transormers Universe/Classics Prowl.

While he truly doesn’t live up to the awesome promo photo he’s better than the crapperiffic photos that were released a while back. As cool as he looks though:

I’m still reminded of how lackluster he looks once compared to the initial photos that were released a couple months ago.

I guess he’s still pretty much the most accurate G1 Prowl we’re going to see though so I’ll still buy him
when he’s released but I still can’t forget or forgive Hasbro for what could have been. Oh well. At least he’s more accurate than Jean Chaps Prowl.

Wow! Universe Prowl is just so…just so…hey! Wait a minute. He actually…he actually…he actually sucks. Wow. I didn’t think he’d look that…look that…crappy.

I was always happy with my toys when I was a kid. I guess I had my “toy geek” blinders on. I never really noticed that the toys often looked bland compared to the “box/card art.” I didn’t really know what I know now.

And what do I know now? I know that most action figures look really crappy compared to their
prototypes. This isn’t anything new. This has been happening since action figures really started to get popular in the sixties and seventies. It’s just…I don’t know. I guess I didn’t realize how bad certain figures looked compared to their respective prototypes until the last Toybiz Marvel Legends hit the shelves a year or two ago. (I also noticed it with the cross-eyed Mr. Fantastic when the first Fantastic Four movie toys came out a couple of years ago but I really don’t want to get into how much that line really sucked.)

I’ve been collecting Transformers since the G1 era but I guess I never really realized how awesome the pictures of the toys looked compared to the actual products until I saw the pictures of Ultimate Bumblebee compared to the actual toy. I mean, the toy was cool and all and I actually consider it to be the holy grail of the movie series but it just doesn’t really live up to the amazing pics we all saw over the summer.

So what’s the point of all this ranting on my part? Well? I just saw some OOP pics of Universe Prowl and…wow. I can’t put my finger on just what is off on this figure compared to the amazing box art shot we got a while back but…I don’t know. It just looks really crappy.

So judge for yourselves and tell me if I’m wrong or right here. Here’s the prototype pic..

Compared to the actual toy:

Granted these are pretty small photos but…I don’t know. After seeing this HORRIBLE picture of an actual Universe Prowl figure a month or two ago I really don’t have high hopes that the Universe line will really look as great as the prototypes.

See, I would be fine with the final toys not looking as great as the prototypes if that ends up happening. It doesn’t bother me that the toys don’t really look that much like the prototypes right now. It’s the fact that they really don’t look ANYTHING NEAR as detailed or as cool as the prototypes that gets to me. Minor tweaks from the prototypes here and there are okay and are expected but…to photoshop (and I’m about 90% sure they used photoshopped colors on the prototype picture at this point) a picture and make us all think that’s what we’re going to end up with…I don’t know. That’s just a really insulting and fucked up thing for Hasbro to do to the collectors in my opinion. Instead of writing the “Final products may vary” thing next to the photos they may as well write “FINAL PRODUCTS WILL LOOK LIKE CRAPPY ‘World’s Smallest Transformers’ KOs and you are looking at a photoshopped picture now you stupid dumbass” next to any pictures they publish in toy magazines.

I mean…don’t get me wrong…I’ll probably end up buying Universe Prowl. It’s just…just once I would like to get a really articulated and detailed Prowl that really accurately represents the way the character looked in the original series. I thought it would happen with the Alternators Prowl after seeing how awesome the Binaltech version looked but…nope. We ended up with the weird color scheme for Prowl’s legs that made him look like “jean chaps” Prowl” in the end. Damn Hasbro. I think it’s almost always going to be Takara>Hasbro for me.

Medicom Spider-Man review

So I finished my Medicom Spider-Man Review. As I said, this review of the Medicom Spider-Man is different from 99.99% of the other reviews of this guy because I actually address the main issue with the older Medicom figures that guys like Michael Crawford are afraid to discuss and that is…

…they break faster than $2 Optimus Prime KOs from Guatemala.

That’s not to say they’re horrible and worthless. On the contrary, they’re actually quite cool. “$60 cool” but not “$150 cool.”

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“How dare you make fun of my Manhattan Mullet?”

Apparently the “breaking issues” with the older Medicom figures are pretty common and you can find entire forums devoted to discussing how much Medicom figures actually suck if you Google search long enough (and I include links to these forums in the review) but do guys like Crawford talk about that issue? Nope. He just recommends you spend the big bucks on the overrated crap.

Anyway, you can find the review here. Agree or disagree with my final assessment? Leave a comment here and let me know what you think.

Speaking of the Hall of Shame…

SDCC Exclusive Rodimus quickly comes to mind.

Holy shit does this figure suck. What a waste of money. It might look decent here but trust me, this toy is the worst Transformer I bought since War Within Prime.

His alt mode, thankfully is pretty cool. I think I’ll just keep him in alt mode for the most part.

Expect a more detailed review sometime next week. Maybe. I could get swamped at work like I was this week. I don’t know.

The Energon Shockwave Review is Done!!!

So I finally finished my Energon Shockblast Energon Shockwave review. This is another rare figure that earns its place on the worth buying AND Hall of Shame lists.

Energon Shockwave (I refuse to call him Shockblast because we all know he’s Shockwave) is basically a really cool figure that would have been a lot better if he were given a tab connector in his waist and better alt modes. Like Redeco Starscream before him though, he looks great next to figures like Soundwave and Masterpiece Megatron. (Click on the picture and you’ll see it larger and in better resolution.)

Just click here to read the review.

And before you say it…I am indeed aware of the fact this figure’s been out a couple of years. I don’t see anything wrong with that though because this figure still goes for big bucks on eBay and it’s worth reviewing.

G1 Redeco Starscream Review and Gallery are done

So I just finished my Redeco Starscream review and I have to say it took me a lot longer than I thought it would. It took about five hours because I had to upload all of my photos, crop an edit them and then create smaller versions of them for the “thumbnail gallery.” I then had to upload everything to my webspace and make sure the smaller gallery linked to the full-sized gallery correctly.

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I’m just really amazed by how AMAZING Masterpiece Megatron looks in this here photo. This was one of two or three pics in the set that turned out to be unintentionally amazing. (Click on the photo to see it larger and in better resolution).

This figure is really a letdown (thanks in part to his horrible Hitler ‘stache) but it looks great next to figures like Soundwave, Shockwave, and MP Megatron. I recommend buying him if you see him at Target but I really don’t recommend paying the inflated eBay rates if you can’t find him there. He’s one of the only figures I would put on both my “Hall of Shame list” and my “buy it if you see it” list.

At any rate, click here to check out the review and let me know what ‘ya think.

So now that I can finally post reviews again…

Expect a review and a gallery for G1 Redeco Starscream.

redecostarscreamfiller.jpg G1 Redeco Starscream is a perfect example of a “it could have been so much better” type of figure. Damn is this guy ugly. He would have looked so much better if his “light up mouth” didn’t look like a Hitler mustache. Anyway, I hope to have this guy’s review and gallery posted in the next couple of days along with his Decepticon compatriot Shockwave (Shockblast).

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